Reason Why
by V-Heartbreaker
Summary: Malex fic. My version of their breakup


**A/N: Hi! This is my first time writing a Malex fic, but hopefully you'll like it. This is a oneshot, basically my version of their breakup. So, that's that. Please R&R!**

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Reason Why

**Alex and Marissa**

My version of their breakup

_I think about how it might have been  
__We'd spend our days traveling_

"I didn't ask you to give up your life; all I ever wanted was to be part of it!" Alex spat, her voice filled with hurt and fury as her cobalt eyes pierced against Marissa's emerald ones.

She didn't understand how it had all come down to this, she couldn't. Just two weeks ago they had something amazing, something promising and intriguing. They had shared numerous precious moments filled with passion and warmth, exploring the depths of their innovative relationship. Alex cherished every minute of them, and even though things weren't perfect, it had been enough. But now, as they stood face to face with the moonlight shining upon them and the waves crashing against the rocks intensely, she could feel it, feel them slowly slip away.

"It's hard to believe that since you're never around anymore." Marissa replied bitterly.

Alex scoffed.

"So what, you expect me to just give up my job, and then what? Marissa, I have to work. Unlike you, I didn't have a choice, ok? I don't have a choice! You don't even know how lucky you are for having what you have. Maybe you'd realize that if you weren't so damn selfish all the time!"

_It's not that I don't understand you  
__It's not that I don't wanna be with you_

Marissa's eyes narrowed.

"Oh, I'm selfish? And who's the one getting all paranoid and possessive over me working on a project with Ryan!"

"Because it's you and Ryan!" Alex exclaimed. "Don't you see that! Don't you see the way he looks at you? Can't you feel the way you look at him?" She was on the verge of tears, but refused to cry. "Well I do! And it hurts me so much…" Her voice softened, but the pain inside was evident. "to know you're still in love with him."

_But you only wanted me  
__The way you wanted me_

"Alex," Marissa tried to hold her hand, but Alex drew it away. "There's nothing going on between me and Ryan. Yes we had something, something wonderful a long time ago… but we lost it. It's kind of like you and Jodi."

At the mention of this, Alex's head jerked up and her stare became hard as stone.

"Yeah, it kind of is." She nodded, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Except that **I **put Jodi on my past."

Marissa couldn't believe what she was hearing. What was Alex trying to insinuate? That she still loves Ryan? That was impossible. Yes, she still cares for him and he will always have a part of her heart. Because, well, he was her first love. But asides from that, there's no way she still holds any kind of loving feelings for him… right? After all she had Alex now… standing right in front of her. Alex, who was beautiful and exciting and intoxicating… Alex, the one she couldn't get enough of.

Alex… who wasn't him.

"Maybe…" She struggled with the words. "I can't forget as easy as you can."

_So, I will head out alone and hope for the best  
__And we can hang our heads down as we skip the goodbyes  
__And you can tell the world what you want them to hear  
__I've got nothing left to lose, my dear_

Her words stung her, shooting like bullets. How ever, Alex was much too proud to show any sign of hurt or emotion.

"Well, you can try forgetting me."

_So I'm up for the little white lies  
__But you and I… know the reason why  
__I'm gone and you're still there_

Without another word, Alex walked briskly past Marissa, not bothering to look at her. The air was colder now and somehow felt heavier. She didn't know where she was heading, but neither did she care. All she knew was that she had to get away from her before she fell deeper inside a never ending hole.

The more she walked the more sorrow she underwent. She felt tears stinging her eyes, but she refused to cry, refused to weak. She was a tough young woman, always had been, but with Marissa she had turned into a vulnerable little girl… and she hated that. She hated the fact that her smile brought her an unexplainable warmth in her heart, and that her kisses melted every logical sense in her mind. But most all she hated knowing that every passing second she was falling more and more for her.

Then she felt it, that familiar touch. She felt a tingle run down her spine as a soft hand grabbed her arm, stopping her. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensations that mere contact was making her feel. Then, ever so slowly she turned and opened her eyes, as they met a forest green.

_I'm gone and you're still there  
__I'm gone and you're still there_

"Why are you doing this?"

Marissa was crying, and she tightened her grip around Alex's arm.

Alex, a little overwhelmed, struggled for words at first, but recovered quickly from her surprise.

"Me? You were the one who decided not to care!"

Marissa's eyes widened, taken aback at Alex's words. She knew she was crying; felt the tears streaming her face, their salty taste upon her lips, but she didn't care. All she cared about was making Alex understand. She took a step forward and placed both hands on her shoulders, looking intently into her eyes.

"What makes you think I don't care?"

Alex stared at her, absorbing the features she knew all too well; her soft pouty lips, that were now slightly parted, her high cheekbones that always held a rosy shade and her brown chestnut hair, that was pulled back in a loose pony tail. But her gaze lingered on what she was most drawn to… her eyes; her big, green, expressive eyes that held a mass of emotions and were now crying… because of her.

_I'll buy a magazine, searching for your face  
__From coast to coast, or wherever I find my place_

Alex sighed, giving up. She was losing a battle she was determined to win… a battle against her heart. Not able to take her eyes from Marissa's pleading gaze, she realized one thing, she was powerless against her.

Marissa shuddered as she felt Alex's fingertips wipe the tears from her stained cheeks. She looked closely at the blonde in front of her, studied her flawless face, her stubborn nose, the deep cerulean sea inside her eyes. She studied carefully and yet, found nothing.

"God…" She pulled her closer, afraid she might lose her, afraid of letting go. "Alex, where did we go wrong?"

Alex bit her lip painfully and lowered her gaze, staring at the plain russet sand. She then looked up at Marissa and her whole world crashed down.

"I don't know." Her voice broke, while a tear slid down her cheek.

Then, with no other words exchanged, both girls wrapped their arms around each other tightly, protectively, finding the comfort they needed in the warm embrace.

Alex buried her face in the crook of Marissa's neck, and for the first time since she left home she cried.

Marissa, feeling the tears falling on her neck, pulled Alex closer and brought her lips to her ear.

"I never meant to hurt you." She whispered.

"I know."

"Don't ever think I didn't care, because I did… I do. I just wish I knew what this means… what you mean… what I mean…" She sniffled. "Alex, I need to know."

A few minutes elapsed while any word was spoken. Alex was fighting another battle of her own, but this time it was one she could barely understand. She was close…so close to saying it. The words where on the tip of her tongue and she was sure that her eyes,

being a reflection of her soul, gave her away.

Alex pulled back slightly, just enough to face Marissa. Her heart was pounding loudly, her palms became sweaty and she struggled to breathe.

"Marissa, I…"

_Say it! _A voice inside her screamed.

_I can't_

_Say it_

"I…"

_No!_

_Just say it_

"I love you."

That was it. It was as if a huge weight had been taken off her shoulders. She studied Marissa; her widened eyes, parted lips, she blinked a couple of times.

"What did you say?" She asked, stunned.

"I love you." She repeated, more confident this time. "I know you don't feel the same way I do and probably never will… but I couldn't hold it any longer, I had to say it. I'm sorry If I-"

Marissa placed a finger on her lips, silencing her. Those words overwhelmed her, and filled her completely with an unknown desire.

"…I need you." She whispered; her voice low and husky.

Alex saw the lust inside Marissa's eyes when she spoke, and that was all she needed to hear.

She slid her arms around her waist, pressing her body hard against her. She captured her lips, soft and inviting, and kissed her fiercely. Marissa was caught off guard at first, but soon enough she wrapped her arms around Alex's neck, kissing her with equal force. She let her fingers tangle in her long blonde locks, where they longed to be, where they should be. Alex felt Marisa's lips part and she entered her tongue, tasting every inch of her, a taste she knew all too well, but yet couldn't get enough of. She let her hands travel south, grasping her buttocks, caressing her thighs. She heard Marissa's low moan, and something inside her went off.

Marissa felt her back press against something hard and she felt her body being laid down, was it a log? She didn't care. She couldn't think. She wanted this, god… how much she's longed for this. She felt Alex's thigh press up between her legs and she gasped, biting down on her lower lip, tugging, wanting more. Alex was on fire from the reactions she was getting from Marissa. She moved her lips to her neck, suckling the heated skin, nipping, biting gently, knowing it would leave a mark. She inhaled a sharp breath as Marissa's hands went under her shirt, caressing her soft butter skin, moving up her perfectly toned stomach to her supple breasts, stroking softly through the thin fabric of her bra.

Alex pushed her leg up roughly, rubbing their heated bodies together, loving the feel of Marissa's soft breasts pressed against her own.

_I'll track you on the radio  
__And I'll sign your list in a different name_

Then she heard it, the low, lustful whisper that brought her back to reality.

"…Alex."

_But as close as I get to you  
__It's not the same_

She pushed herself off from Marissa, breathing heavily and closed her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

Marissa sat up, bewildered. She slid her hand on Alex's thigh, trying to grab her attention.

"What's wrong?" She asked once the blonde opened her baby blues.

Alex looked at her; her flushed cheeks, her bedroom eyes, and the confusion on her face.

She felt her throat going dry at the sight of her, but she didn't dare to touch her… she couldn't.

"I can't… we can't…" She looked away. "It's not right."

Marissa moved so she was right in front of her. She placed a hand on her cheek; their eyes locked.

"Why not?" She asked pleadingly.

A tear rolled down Alex's cheek as she whispered softly,

"…Because you don't love me."

_So, I will head out alone and hope for the best  
__We can pat ourselves on the back and say we tried  
__And if one of us makes it big  
__We can spill or regrets_

Marissa felt a pang inside her heart… was it guilt? She felt herself melting for the girl in front of her, for she's never seen her like this; so… vulnerable.

"I could learn to."

She held her hand, intertwined their fingers, but soon after Alex slipped hers away.

"No."

She sighed and stood up, getting frustrated.

"Alex, what do you want from me?"

At this, the blonde looked up, gazing at her intently with her unbelievably blue eyes.

"I want you. But I want all of you. Not just half of your heart."

_And talk about how the love never dies  
__But you and I… know the reason why  
__I'm gone and you're still there_

Marissa was taken back by Alex's words. What was going on? Was she gonna break up with her?

"Alex… I…"

"Don't say it." She sighed. "I have to go, Marissa."

Panic

"Go? Go where, to the apartment?" She asked hopefully.

Alex smiled sadly. "No. I'm going home."

Marissa felt something inside her tearing apart. She couldn't go… Alex couldn't leave her.

"…What? No… you can't."

"I can't stay here. This is your life, Marissa." She opened up her arms, then after a few seconds let them fall on her sides. "…And I don't fit in."

"Alex-" She was on the verge of tears.

"You have an extra key to the apartment... I case I'm not there when you go pick up your stuff." She took a step towards Marissa, reaching out to wipe a fresh tear that had just rolled down. She then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "Take care."

_I'm gone and you're still there  
__I'm gone and you're still there_

Take care

Those were the last words she had said before walking away. Marissa had stood there, speechless… letting everything sink in. She didn't go back to the bonfire. How could she, after all that just happened? She let go of the only person that truly understood her, she let the one person that's made her feel alive walk away; all because of what, her past with Ryan?

She sighed heavily, and sat down on the cool, moisty sand. The sounds of the waves were louder now, and she watched closely as they crashed on the shore. She glanced above at the midnight sky, mostly covered by dark grey clouds. She noticed only one star was visible, shining dimly upon the beach… twinkling, almost sad, as if it new what she was feeling.

_So, steal the show and do your best  
__To cover the tracks that I have left_

She didn't know how long she'd been there gazing at her surroundings, as if in some kind of trance. She looked at the moon and saw Ryan; bright, reliable, always there… sometimes in full, sometimes in half… but always in the sky. Then, she pictured Alex as being the star… independent, yet lonely… but oh, so very beautiful. What should she do? Ryan was always gonna be there, whether she liked it or not. Even if she let him go he will always be back. She smiled, kind of like the waves. But Alex, if she lets her go, will she be able to have her again? Will she be able to hold her and kiss her, and be insecure and yet completely confident when she's around her?

Then, as if some kind of sign, something grabbed her attention and she whispered,

"The tide just turned."

She knew what she had to do.

_I wish you well and hope you find  
__Whatever you're looking for_

She pulled up on Alex's driveway and immediately noticed that her jeep wasn't parked there. She became alarmed.

"Where is she?"

Getting out of her polished red mustang, she made her way to the front door and knocked loudly a few times.

"Alex…!"

_The way I might've changed my mind  
__But you only showed me the door_

She fumbled with her keys, her hands shaking. She finally managed to get the door opened; it was pitch black inside.

"Alex?"

No answer.

She turned on the lights and gasped.

_So, I will head out alone and hope for the best  
__We can pat ourselves on the back and say we tried_

The room was empty. The clothes scattered on the floor, the shoes, the photos… everything had been cleared.

She panicked

"Oh no."

She all but ran to the bedroom they once shared, and her suspicions were cleared. Alex had left. Marissa's stuff was still there, intact, but the blonde's where no to be found.

Making her way back to the living room, she searched desperately for a note, a letter, anything. Then, she found it. Lying on the couch they spent their first night together on, was the heart necklace identical to the one Alex had given her. She picked it up, shaking and noticed a note attached to it.

_And if one of us makes it big  
__We can spill our regrets_

As she opened it, she instantly recognized Alex's neat handwriting:

_Even if I can't have yours,_

_You will always be the keeper of my heart._

_Goodbye,_

_Alex_

She stared at the note for a good five minutes, and then noticed as two droplets fell on the folded notebook paper… they were her tears.

_And talk about how the love never dies  
__But you and I…_

She collapsed on the couch and sobbed uncontrollably, while clutching the note and the necklace to her heart.

"…I'm sorry." Were the last words whispered before she cried herself to sleep, and parted from Alex's life forever.

…_Know the reason why_


End file.
